Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
