Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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