I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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