you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize