Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
