Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
