oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
