Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
