It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
