I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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