all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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