So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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