I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
