M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I lost the right to judge tonight
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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