so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
