If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
