She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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