she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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