Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize