didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
