This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
