it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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