how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
