i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
