dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
