I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
