All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
