We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have post one night stand depression
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