They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize