This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
