think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
