Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
