She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
