I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
