if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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