dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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