Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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