Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
