Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
