Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
