did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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