Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
