He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
