Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
