I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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