yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
