Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
