Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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