I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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