why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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