somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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