I can tuck mytits in my pants
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize