Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
