NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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