If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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