i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
