I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
