This girl is more easily done than said...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
