I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
