I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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