Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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