Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
