I seem to have left my pride at pride
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
