so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
A+ Viking dick
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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