Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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