you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
