Soap is not a condiment
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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