He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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