Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
