Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
